The thing about social media is

The thing about social media is that no body is ever honest. No one ever wants to show the world that actually, most of the time... nearly all of the time, life is shit. This then makes people (or maybe just me) feel really crap about their own lives and doubt themselves, I find myself questioning everything I do, how I parent my nearly three year old son; everyones children look so happy and healthy and CLEAN in their Facebook and Instagram photos, why does mine smell like spice and saliva? Why does he ALWAYS have dried bogeys on his face and sausage roll down his top? Shame on me for not consistently carrying baby wipes around with me and wiping his entire being constantly! It must be my fault for being selfish and deciding that I'd rather have a nice empty bag with space for my Chanel lipsticks, a shoulder without that ugly red indent from carrying too much and maybe even occasionally a bag which can ONLY carry my Chanel lipsticks.

Not just does social media tell me I'm a shit mum who is still desperately trying to cling on to her responsibility free past life, it also makes me think I'm really ugly and seriously consider paying £5000 for a nose job. I hate my nose, it's so triangular, why can't I have one of those cute ski slope shaped ones? why is my chin so spotty and undefined? oh god I really hate it when people tag me, is my face really that lopsided and Quasimodo like? don't even get me started in that tooth that sticks out.

What else does Facebook and Instagram make me doubt? Oh yes, my relationships. Not just my boyfriend but my friends and my family, we don't take happy selfies together, I don't declare my love for any of them publicly (unless it's a special occasion like a birthday or mothers day) My boyfriend and I never share cute puppy videos on each others walls, nor do we share with the world what we're having for dinner or the cute things that should be annoying but we love oh so much. Now maybe the online world really doesn't give a shit that I'm not doing those things, but other people forcing it down my neck really makes ME think that I'm lacking something in my life- happiness.

But the thing is, as I just told myself at the start of this post, no body ever posts the bad stuff. I can only imagine it is because of everyones need to be accepted and to appear desirable, because really... no body wants to spend time with a moaner.

but heres the truth. Being a single mum, studying for a degree, trying to set up a business, getting over the physical and emotional implications that having Cancer as a teenager leaves behind and trying to maintain a relationship when you have a self destructive depressed mind that constantly wants to fuck things up, things can be really, really... really hard. Especially when you've been trying to get your child to bed for over an hour and he's still hitting you around the head and throwing books at you... by the way in this situation, Google will not help you, it will only further your belief that you're a shit mum, so will Instagram searching the word "parenting" in the hope that other parents have also shared videos of themselves sitting against their bedroom door so that their screaming child can't get in, no, all you will get is more photos of parents telling the world how sickeningly in love they are with their perfect nice smelling clean children in their beautifully tidy white homes. URGH.

So here I am, writing a blog in the hope that it will connect me with more normally reasonably miserable parents/ex cancer patients/ students/ boyfriends and girlfriends desperately trying to search for 'real happiness', I also hope that this blog can reach out to people who like me feel completely not normal, and reassure them that actually, everyones pissed off.
Expect plenty of videos of my child having tantrums, photos of my chin/s, cat sick etc.

peace. xx