The problem is, when you're a single mum, to a child who's father moved away to London to pursue his own dreams, you're left to deal with all the bullshit, by yourself, with no break. Well maybe a couple of breaks but those breaks always have timers on, back by a precise time so I savour every little second up until that point. How is a human being supposed to deal with that pressure? Today I am feeling full of severe anxiety, I am experiencing the same sort of physical ache that occurs when I think of how it may be to be in prison forever.
I am very near to my breaking point, I need.some.space.
Harry is at his most intense at the moment, I can only put it down to the fact that he's not in nursery as much as I've broken up from uni and we have long stretches of time with not a lot to do, I'm lacking in imagination now too, and patience. This morning I woke up to him digging his fingers in my eyes, and then followed on by jumping on my head (by the way, clammy toddler feet REALLY stick to hair) We had an hour or so that was quite blissful, we got the paddling pool out and had breakfast in the garden but of course all of that ended as soon as my phone rang, I got spat at in the face and Harry decided to make the biggest mess he possibly could. I tried to tell him calmly why he shouldn't spit in my face... so he did it again. He's now in the spare room (where he goes when he's naughty) but instead of thinking about what he's done he's decided to find the block of polystyrene and make it into snow. GOOD.
Lets talk about money. Have you ever tried to get a job that fits into two weekdays? I think it's impossible. If you can't work weekends you're basically worthless and unconsidered. THANKS WORLD. Thanks Harrys dad, thanks Rosie for getting yourself knocked up before getting a career. Thanks bailiffs for making me fork out £600 when I'm desperately trying to save money, good one student finance for stinging me for £750 because of YOUR over payment 4 years ago, thanksthanksthanks.
If anyone wants to foster my child for a couple of weeks, hit me up. I'm up for it. Summer camp for three year olds??
