The problem is...

The problem is, when you're a single mum, to a child who's father moved away to London to pursue his own dreams, you're left to deal with all the bullshit, by yourself, with no break. Well maybe a couple of breaks but those breaks always have timers on, back by a precise time so I savour every little second up until that point. How is a human being supposed to deal with that pressure? Today I am feeling full of severe anxiety, I am experiencing the same sort of physical ache that occurs when I think of how it may be to be in prison forever.

I am very near to my breaking point, I need.some.space.
Harry is at his most intense at the moment, I can only put it down to the fact that he's not in nursery as much as I've broken up from uni and we have long stretches of time with not a lot to do, I'm lacking in imagination now too, and patience. This morning I woke up to him digging his fingers in my eyes, and then followed on by jumping on my head (by the way, clammy toddler feet REALLY stick to hair) We had an hour or so that was quite blissful, we got the paddling pool out and had breakfast in the garden but of course all of that ended as soon as my phone rang, I got spat at in the face and Harry decided to make the biggest mess he possibly could. I tried to tell him calmly why he shouldn't spit in my face... so he did it again. He's now in the spare room (where he goes when he's naughty) but instead of thinking about what he's done he's decided to find the block of polystyrene and make it into snow. GOOD.

Lets talk about money. Have you ever tried to get a job that fits into two weekdays? I think it's impossible. If you can't work weekends you're basically worthless and unconsidered. THANKS WORLD. Thanks Harrys dad, thanks Rosie for getting yourself knocked up before getting a career. Thanks bailiffs for making me fork out £600 when I'm desperately trying to save money, good one student finance for stinging me for £750 because of YOUR over payment 4 years ago, thanksthanksthanks.

If anyone wants to foster my child for a couple of weeks, hit me up. I'm up for it. Summer camp for three year olds??

Today I feel like a 'sorted' mum.

Today I became one of those mum I aspire to be. Just for one day. Everything went well today, I woke up with my usual negative view on the day but things worked out well. My make up seemed to sit just right on my face and my hair did as it was told, I wore comfy clothes but didn't feel disgusting for once.

I took the child swimming, the pool we went to is usually heaving with severely unattractive dads covered in blubber and hair and children with serious snot issues. I used to go to this pool with my brothers as a kid and frequently found a big piece of poo floating around, but not today... today the world decided that I was going to shine as a mum and bond with my child. We made amazing progress chucking this weird rubbery crocodile around, Harry went in up to his nose to rescue it and we did a lot of paddling around on a body board rescuing 'Norman Price' - the name he gave to a half chewed teddybear float. We then went for an ice cream and came home to make home made pizza with spinach and mushrooms on, yes, yes he ate real life actual vegetables and enjoyed them.

Bed time? well thanks to my new best Spotify friend, Harry went to sleep to the sounds of waves which filled his room with a calm cheap spa like ambience that relaxed him instantly (oh and by the way he even tidied up all his toys before we went upstairs) he tried to get out of bed a few times but soon couldn't really be arsed and went to sleep, we had amazing cuddles and I finally felt like we were buddies again.

I feel invincible.

Like the best mum in the world.

I even poured my beer down the sink and replaced it with a glass of milk.

So fuck you universe, today it's me thats winning, not you. I am mum of the year, I fed my child spinach!!!!

(continues to eat prawns straight from the packet and dip them into sea food sauce... straight from the jar)

Trekstock

Every now and again, in between kissing my child to death/restraining myself from killing him, cleaning up poop and not doing my revision, I get to go and do some pretty exciting albeit horrendously nerve-racking things with Trekstock. A little while back we did some filming with Liam Payne (out of One Direction) which went against every moody goth bone in my body, we were filming to promote Trekstocks new THRIVE programme which is supporting young people and helping them to thrive through cancer- have a look at Trekstocks website for a far better explanation than I can give. Following the filming, I along with the rest of the young persons panel were invited to the Great Gatsby Ball, needless to say I spent at least 4 weeks buying and sending back outfits.

The ball was hosted by Liam and his Girlfriend Sophia Smith, and hosted by Scott Mills, we saw Dynamo perform and the surprise guest was Michael McIntyre, which was insanely exciting for me, that floppy hair and squidgy face :O. The purpose of the ball was to auction of various things such as cooing lessons with Jamie Oliver and X Factor tickets, things along those lines ALL to raise money for Trekstock, which is just insane. The evening alone raised around 100K, so.. despite my grumpy goth instincts, I've got to say the power of One Direction is strong, and Liam Payne has gone up a good few ranks for me, he did a fair amount of bidding himself. So Thanks Liam!
Here's some horrific photos of me. Why do I never look how I think I look when other people take my photo?!

(THERES THE TOOTH)